lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
my liver is dry heaving
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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