I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
