who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
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