I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
