So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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