After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
