I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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