Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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