OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
