All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize