Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
