So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
