Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
