Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
soo... how was my night?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
