Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I think im going to throw up on grandma
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His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
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Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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