There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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