im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
