Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
