Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
