I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I have already put on my inside pants.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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