Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
