WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
