yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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