His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
