Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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