I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
