If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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