They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
