Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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