We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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