At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
