Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
