I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
not ubering you a puppy
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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