All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I am available for nakedness
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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