I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
