ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
