am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
