yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
