Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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