Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
