I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
