ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
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