I can text with my tongue
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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