Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
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