smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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