You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
