i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
