You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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