FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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