she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
