I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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