woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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