the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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