We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
We named our party play list daddy issues
operation harelip BJ is a go
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
