I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
