i can't believe i had my finger in that
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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