Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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