I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
