I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
