So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
