I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
