I pooped in a mop bucket.
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...