One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
What is this nonsense on the table
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.