6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.