You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
These 19 People Had Awkward Celebrity Sex Dreams
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
These 27 People Had No Idea What They Were Doing When It Came To Sex
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision