I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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