i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.