I'm retarded. Again.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
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i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
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Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.