Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
