Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
