Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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