dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
